The sun and the moon, the good and the bad. We live in a world made of opposites, where the concept of duality, studied by many traditions since ancient times, reminds us that life is made of contrasts that coexist. Your inner critic also follows this concept of duality. It polarizes your life experiences to protect you and guide you. The problem comes when, instead of taking care of you, it pressures you to always be on the right path and brings shame whenever you don’t follow the script.
At that point, your inner critic transforms into a foe. In life and in the mind, duality works by balancing opposite forces. When you get stuck on one side, especially the one that brings you anxiety and fear, that traps you in a box of perfectionism, your foe takes over your mind. It awakens a voice that whispers, “You are not good enough” or “You are not capable.”
This voice should not be seen as something to silence but to understand and transform, so it can also be your friend. The question isn’t whether your inner critic is a friend or a foe, or how to get rid of its dark side. Growth happens in the tension between the two. The important thing here is how to meet it with acceptance and learn how to balance the duality of your mind so your friend and your foe can coexist within you.
How to Embrace the Duality of the Mind
As said, growth happens in the tension between these opposite poles. If your inner critic is too friendly, you can become careless, and if it’s too critical, you can become paralyzed. Balance is needed, but to get it, you first need to surrender and observe. In other words, you need to let go of control. Meditation and mindfulness can be helpful for this process. When we practice stillness, the mind begins to wander, and all that has been hidden in movement begins to arise.
This gives us the opportunity to observe and identify what’s going on within us, what your inner self is trying to tell you through your inner critic. For example, you might feel guilty when saying “no” to a friend or very insecure and judgmental during a presentation at work. Listen to that. Perhaps you need to practice setting boundaries or building more confidence in your professional life.
Once you understand that the inner critic is not an enemy but a part of yourself looking for attention and reassurance, you stop resisting it to slowly embrace it. You observe how your mind behaves and what triggers your shadows and nurtures your light. You notice which thoughts are constructive and which ones are destructive. It takes time, but the first step is simply sitting with the voice.
Sitting with the Voice
Find a quiet space and sit in a comfortable position. Then close your eyes and bring your attention to the breath. Feel the air enter and leave your body through the nostrils. Notice how your physical body and your mind feels. Soon, the voice appears, and the inner critic starts to speak. Take a moment before trying to comprehend it. Just listen. Observe how it changes, sometimes harsh, sometimes protective, sometimes kind. This is how we see its true nature and how it flows like water. When it stops moving, when we catch the thought and focus on it for too long, water stops flowing, and it becomes stagnant. It becomes a foe. To bring the friend back, we need to let water flow again and let it find its natural course.
Each time you notice the inner critic getting too loud, return to the breath. Allow yourself to shift from being the voice to being the listener. Learn to accept whatever comes without trying to fix it right a way; observe it first and then let it flow again like water. Let the mind be as it is without judgment.
If sitting by yourself is too challenging at the moment, coaching sessions can be really helpful, as they use this same process of observing. Through dialogue instead of silence, you can have a conscious conversation that feels like a moving meditation, bringing light to what is hidden and compassion to the parts of you that still speak from fear.
Final Thoughts
Your inner critic is not exclusively your friend or your foe; it’s both. The difference lies in how you meet it. When you learn to embrace the duality of your mind and its complex nature, you are embracing all parts of yourself. Facing your shadows and continuously working towards balance brings growth and expansion, but it takes time, patience and a few uncomfortable sittings with your inner voice.
So use meditation and conscious practices to guide you. Observe without judgment and cultivate a mind that can sustain duality and remain open to all aspects of your truth and your being.
